just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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