i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
