i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
