How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
