I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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