i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
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Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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