I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
