sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
