i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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