I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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