I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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