Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
