I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
