I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
