i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
