If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
