I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
