I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
