I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
