Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
