So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
