Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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