This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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