But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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