I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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