I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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