Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
