just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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