Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
