i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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