Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
