I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
