I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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