all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
