you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
