the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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