the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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