Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
