I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you traded sex for a burrito?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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