Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
