we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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