I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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