i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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