You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I party with great urgency now.
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