I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
