the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
