So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
