"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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