I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
