The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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