Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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