My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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