I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize