I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
