the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
