just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
