I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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