I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
