I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
