im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
